KATHRYN GOHMERT

Bearded vulture

high in the lonely mountain crags of your miserable home, too uninhabitable for other animals, you sit at the height of evolution, beautiful bearded vulture.

with your diet, consisting mainly of bone, that vulgar shock of facial hair plastered to your small, terrible head, lingering body odor and famously bad taste in friends, you are a combination of all things enchanting.

the many possibilities for financial gain this year guide you toward making many positive improvements in your life, much in the same way your condemned, hunchbacked frame with its lopsided, waddling gait and that permanent, dilated stare of your yellowed eyes elicit panic and tears from the elderly, very young and very drunk.

so keep making time for you this year, bearded vulture: it's finally your time to shine.

bearded vulture, 2016
30 x 40 cm. charcoal, pen and ink

ranging from the grotesque to the pathetic, the twelve animals in this horoscope provide a set of options slightly slimmer than the current zodiac animals.

it is hoped, by being confronted with unexpected — even insulting — predictions, the participant is prepared for the worst but continues to hope for the best in the new lunar year.